I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
