I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
