you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
