That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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