Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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