ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i think i just lost a toe
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
