I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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