Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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