Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
