I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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