we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
