I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
