He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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