2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
