this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
