dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
