Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
