I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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