Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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