Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
