I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
