I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
