Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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