Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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