I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
