Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
