did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
