You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
