Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
