There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
