I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
