Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
