Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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