Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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