BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
