dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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