Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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