I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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