escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
