Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
