I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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