i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
