There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
