Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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