Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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