it hurts more in the daytime
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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