sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think my moral compass just broke
that may or may not have been my penis.
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