Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am one with the molecules
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
