I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
