I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
