gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
