If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
