I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
